Living Through A Nightmare
by SisterCat144
Summary: What if Soda and Steve come home from war and Pony and Darry arn't the same? Darry's been abusing Pony and brainwashed the now gothic Pony into thinking Soda doesn't love him anymore. Will Soda ever get his little brother back and find out what happened?
1. Returning Home

AN: IM JUST TRYING THIS STORY OUT. IF YA LIKE IT OR DON'T PLEASE TELL ME! SODA'S ALIVE IN THIS STORY INSTED OF DYIN' IN VIETNAM!!!

WARNING: WILL CONTAIN SOME CHILD ABUSE AND ALCOHOL ABUSE!!!!!!! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!!!!!

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_SODAPOP'S POV_

I was finally home and man did it feel good. Walking through the Tulsa airport with my best friend Steve, I couldn't help but grin at everyone and everything I saw. I never thought I'd miss this town as much as I had. I was so glad to be back here and away from the war.

"Let's get on to your house. I can't wait to see the gang." Steve said as we walked out of the airport and down the street to the bus stop. Darry and Pony doesn't know we're home. They haven't got the slightest clue because Steve and I thought it'd be a fun surprise for them.

After a twenty five minute walk, we find our way back to the street we grew up on. Man, it was like nothing had change yet everything had. Darry's old sneakers I threw up on the telephone wire are still hanging up there from the time I got mad at him for making fun of Steve. The Dingo was a pile of ashes on the ground, which made me wonder what happened. I wrote to Darry and Pony once a week since the time I left but for some reason, I stopped getting letters from Ponyboy around four months before I was released. I got letters from Darry but I was really curious about why Pony stopped writing. I had just shrugged it off the first couple of weeks, thinking it got lost in the mail or something but after months went by and I still got no responce out of my letters I sent him, I knew he wasn't writing back. I wrote him a lot more then, asking what was wrong, why he had stopped writing to me. I still got no reply.

We stopped at the gate of our house. The house had always been run down and beat up looking but for some reason, it just looked more old and torn up then before I left. Maybe I'm imagoning this but from the look on Steve's face, I know I'm not.

"Darry's home." Steve says and I looked to the right to see his truck parked in the driveway.

We walked up the pathway and opened the door with a little caution. We looked around the house, seeing everything looking the same as before. The house was a mess and Mickey Mouse was on the TV.

"Darry?" I called as I walked around the mess of clothes and notebooks.

A loud bang was herd in the kitchen and soon Darry's running out the room. "Soda?" He asked as he looked at me. Soon I'm wrapped up in a bear hug and sobbing into his chest. We pulled Steve into the hug and it was actually kind of a funny sight, seeing two solders and a big muscular man crying and hugging each other.

"So what's been going on?" I asked him as we sat on the couch an hour or so later.

"Nothing much." Darry says as he picks up some of the clothes on the floor and chuncked them in the hall. I couldn't help but notice that all those clothes were black. Not a single colorful shirt or pants in the bunch. "Still roofing houses."

"Man, I never thought I'd miss this place so much." Steve said as he leaned against the couch with his eyes closed, taking in the comfort of our home.

"Tell me about it." I say as I looked around. Nothing really had changed. Same old pictures over the fireplace and walls, same furniture, same paint on walls, same blood stains on wall by the kitchen - wait a minute!

"What happened?" I asked as I walked over towards the entry way to the livingroom from the kitchen. A red blood stain was there and it didn't look too old either. It was the size of a fist, a really big fist.

Darry looked a little nurvous at first but quickly responded. "Oh that. Pony got in a fight as angerly punched the wall. The kid has been having some kind of anger issues lately."

I've always believed in everything Darry said but for some reason, I didn't believe him when he said it. Maybe it was just something in his tone but I'm not sure. _You've always trusted Darry to tell the truth. Why stop now? Besides, Pony hasn't been writing to you so maybe Darry was right, maybe he does have anger issues now. After all, you've been gone for a year now, a lot can change. _A voice in my head told me.

"Pony never had an anger issue before." Steve said from the couch as he looked around, still taking in that he was really home.

"Well, he's sixteen and has become more wild than you two were." Darry said tiredly. "Things change."

"It's probably just a faze." I say as I sat next to him.

AN: NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE LONGER I PROMISE!!!!!! TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK, GOOD OR BAD!!!!!!!!


	2. Pony's Side

WARNING: WILL CONTAIN SOME CHILD ABUSE AND ALCOHOL ABUSE!!!!!!! CUTTING MAY ACCORE LATTER IN THE STORY!!!YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!!!!! 1 ? THOUGH...WHY DO I SOUND LIKE A STUPID LABLE OFF OF A MED. BOX OR SOMETHING??? LOL

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_PONYBOY'S POV_

Walking out of the crouded school and into the packed parking lot was easier said then done. It took a total of twenty minutes to get out the halls and around ten minutes to make it out of the parking lot. I wish I had a car to drive. I got my licenses last fall on my sixteenth birthday but there was no way I was getting a car inless I bought it. Sure couldn't ask Darry for it if I wanted to make it to school without injury.

I walked down the street, heading to the east side. They made Two-bit graduate last year and ever since then he hasn't been by much. It's like he notices the change in me and Darry and doesn't want to be a part of it. I know he doesn't know what really happens when no ones home but us (which isn't too often like it used to be last year thank God) but he does know about every argument we have. Not because Darry or I tell him. Nah, it's because we're screaming so loud, he can hear us from two streets over.

I'm honestly not sure when Darry and I grew so bitter. I think it was a few months after Soda and Steve got drafted. That's when Darry became real good friends with Two-bit's best buddy, Mr.Alcohol. I tried to stop him from drinking so much by pouring it down the drain or hiding it. No matter what I did though, he found it and I got a beating for lying even if I didn't lie. I remember the first time the beating started.

_"Darry, we're out of food." I said as I glanced into the ice box, wondering when the last time we went to the store was. I was fifthteen years old now and as if having the one person I could always count on be drafted into a war he didn't believe in, my other brother who was suppose to take care of me turned to drinking and kept forgetting to do things._

_"I'm broke kid." He said as he held a beer in his hand as he stumbled into the room, clearly hung over._

_"Maybe if you wouldn't spend it all on beer." I mubbled to myself._

_"What was that boy?" Darry asked in his dangerous voice that I've always feared. _

_"Nothing." I say as I turned towards the livingroom, not wanting to be in the same room as him. _

_A rough hand grabbed my shoulder and turned me around so fast, I was surprised I didn't have whip lash. Then out of no where, Darry's large fist is making contact with my face and I'm on the ground. He's on top of me kicking and hitting me as I tried to fend him off, screaming and hollorin' for him to stop. _

The first few months I feared him and tried to stay out of his way, not wanting to make him angery again. After about six months though, I didn't care anymore. I took it and never let it show how much pain I was in. I took Dally's advice and got tough, that way nothin' can hurt me and he was certainly right about that.

I remember the whole while thinking, he's just drunk when he beats me, he loves you but after a high amount of time went by, I lost faith in that. Pretty soon not only was he physically abusing me, but he was mentally too. He kept telling me that Soda wasn't drafted, he enlisted in it himself because he wanted to be some place where he knew I could't tag a long with him and Steve. For the first year, I didn't believe him. I told myself he was lying, that if Soda really felt that way he wouldn't bother to write. Towards around the middle of the two year period in which Soda and Steve were drafted, Soda's letters grew shorter. Finally it got to a point where he wouldn't write at all but not before I recieved a letter from him that truely made me believe that he didn't love me.

_Dear Ponyboy,_

_It's getting real bad over here and writing these letters to you is just causing me to lose more sleep than your worth. Sorry to say but it's mighty true. At least when Darry writes it's something interesting which reminds me, why the hell have you been giving Darry such a hard time?! Kid, don't you realize all he does for you? Without him, you'd be in some boys home but maybe that would be for the best, since you can't seem to appreciate all that's been given up for you. Don't right back kid, I really don't want to hear it. I can't stand to know that while I'm working my ass off over here to try and not to get killed, your in a safe home where your causing all sorts of trouble! _

_ Sodapop Curtis_

That letter sent me into depression for over a month. After reading that letter, I started to cut myself since some friends of mine do it and told me it helps the pain. It worked and I soon found myself doing it every day.

After a few months of Darry telling me I'm worthless I soon realized how stupid I had been. Not only was I foolish enough to think that I could get out of this town and go to a nice college and make something of myself, I was also foolish to thinks that Sodapop would love me forever. Everything comes to an end sooner or later but I never saw this coming, not once. I guess Darry was always going to be right, even if he did lie to Soda about me causing trouble. If I had been a snitch, I would have told Soda about his new disciplining system, I'm sure he would have got a kick out of that.

"Yo, Curtis!" Mark, my friend from Gym yelled. "Want to go chill out for awhile?"

"Sure man." I say as I followed my friend who was also dressed in all black. He was the one who understands me the most and knows most of which happens at home but not everything. I can't bring myself to trust that much anymore and he's really lucky that I find him that trusting to tell him half of it too.

AN: SORRY, IT'S SHORT AGAIN BUT NEXT WILL HAVE PONY AND SODA SEEING EACH OTHER!!!!!!!!


	3. We Meet At Last

AN: MAY CONTAIN CHILD AND ALCOHOL ABUSE!!!!!!!! CUTTING ALSO IN THIS STORY!!!!! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!!!!!!!

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_SODAPOP POV_

It was around eleven thirty and Ponyboy still wasn't home. I was seriously getting worried about him and Darry was too. Steve and I were in the kitchen playing cards as Darry washed the dishes.

"Where is that boy?" Darry asked harshly under his breath.

"I'm sure he'll be home soon Dar." I say as I flinch at his voice. He never used to sound so harsh before but maybe he was just tired today.

The front door is slamed shut and Darry storms off into the living room. Steve and I decided we'd stay by the doorway, secretly watching. Standing infront of Darry is my seventeen year old brother. He's about as tall as me and looks even more like me then he did when he was younger. Only difference is that he's wearing black jeans and a black long sleeve shirt and his hair has been dyed jet black. He also has a piercing in his lip and looks like he's wearing black eyeliner. His expression was cold and uncaring as he looked at Darry and he seemed to remind me of someone, I just couldn't remember who.

Steve and I look at him in shock. This was certainly not the brother I left behind two years ago. He's definitly changed and I'm positive it's not for the better.

"Where the hell have you been?" Darry yelled at him as he threw his leather jacket on the couch.

He didn't appear to be scared to bothered by Darry's yelling. He glanced at the clock on the wall and shrugged. "I was out with some friends."

"For this fuckin' long?!" Darry yelled at him. I was surprised at Darry because ever since he had custody over us, he never swore to us. He's swear if he stumped his toe or something but never at us.

"Why the hell are you getting so worked up? I came in at one in the morning yesterday and all you had to say was go by some more beer!" Pony yelled back at him.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Darry asked and I could tell he was nervous all of a sudden. _Pony's got to be lying. Darry would ring his neck if he came in that late! But he doesn't know I'm here so why would he try to lie? What's been going on?!_

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Pony yelled at him. "What ever it is, I don't want to know. I'm going to bed."

"Wait!" Darry yelled at him. "There's someone here that you need to know about."

"Who's that?" Pony asked as he raised a brow.

Steve and I stepped out of the kitchen just then. Pony looked shocked for a moment but soon covered it up with a mask.

"Hey Pony." I say as I grinned at him, hoping to lighten the mood.

He just looked at me and soon his confused look turned into a glare. "I thought you were in Vietnam?"

Takin' back by his harsh voice I stared at him stunned. "What's up?" I asked him confused. "Why are you mad?"

His eyes blazed with anger at that and he grabbed his coat off the couch. "I'm going to stay with a friend tonight."

"No, you're not." Darry said harshly. "Sodapop has just got home and would like to spend time with you."

"Well what if I don't want to spend time with him?!" Pony yelled before walking out the front door.

Steve and I stood there stunned. I don't think I've ever felt so hurt in my life. I was close to tears when I finally said I was going to bed.

_STEVE'S POV_

It was the next morning and I was still pissed off at Ponyboy. What the hell was the kid's problem? Why the hell was he so fuckin' mean to Sodapop, the guy the kid used to worship? What I want to know is what's up with him and Darry. I never saw Darry drink but this morning he had two beers and from the look on Soda's face, I knew he was worried. I finally was able to talk him into going with me and finding Two-bit and quite worring over Darry.

"What do you think is up with them?" Soda asked me sadly as we walked to Two-bit's houes.

"I don't know but I sure know there's something going up between those two." I told him.

"Darry would never do anything to hurt Pony." Soda said more like he was trying to convince himself. Still, something had to have happened to make the teen so upset.

"Well look who it is!" A guy with rusty red hair said as he sqeezed us in a hug. "The army finally had enough of y'all trouble makers?"

We hugged Two-bit. "Yeah, somethin' like that. How ya been?" Soda asked him, a grin now on his face.

"Alright. I got a job at The Dingo." Two-bit said and I'm sure both our mouths dropped by the way Two-bit was laughin'.

"You, Two-bit Matthews, got a job. The same guy who was too lazy to turn off the TV with the remote control two years ago?" I asked him in shock.

"Yep. I had to have somethin' to do to pass time. They finally made me graduate." Two-bit said with that stupid grin he always wore.

"Well at least you're doin' something useful." Soda said. "You still come to my house right?"

Two-bit sighed and looked down at the gravel as we sat on his old tailgate of his truck. "Nahh, I don't want to get involved in what ever fight they've been having."

"They were at it last night exept when Pony found out I was home he left, said he doesn't want to see me." Soda said sadly. "When did they start fighting so bad? I never herd them yell at each other like that."

Two-bit sighed again. "At least it wasn't a bad fight. On some cases I can hear them yelling from all the way over here. They started fighting after you left. Started off little but soon Darry started to push that kid too far. I don't really know what happened or anything, haven't talked to them in over a year. I sure don't like what they've become though. Pony's hangin' with the wrong croud, I can tell ya that much. He's hanging with the Tigers' gang, that gang that was always into weed and other drugs. As far as I know he doesn't do it."

Soda and I just stared at him. How bad could Darry have gotton to make Pony turn to the Tigers? I know from the look on Soda's face that he was upset but hey, I don't even like the kid that much and I'm worried.

"You've been keeping an eye out for him?" Soda asked Two-bit.

He nodded. "Yeah, I knew if I talked to him he wasn't going to listen but if I look after him without him knowing then I'd know exactly what's going on. I sure don't like what I've been seeing one bit. It's like he's turning into Dallas."

_SODAPOP POV_

That hit me harder than anything. I never in a million years imagioned my brother turning into the wild and cold hood that used to be our friend. I'll be damned before I let my baby brother end up like him!

After a few minutes more of talkin' with old Two-bit, we decided to head back home. I had a few questions to ask my big brother and I wasn't gonna back down until I got the truth. When we arrived home, it appeared to be no one there.

"Anyone home?" I called as Steve and I entered the living room.

I walked in every room and no one was there. I headed for the bathroom but the door was locked. _Huh, that's funny. The bathroom light is off but if anyone was in there it would be on._

I knocked on the door. I herd someone mutter 'shit' and herd moving in there.

I knocked again. "Who's in here?" I asked as I herd something fall then hearing the person swearing. I tried twisting the knob but it was clearly locked with something pushed against the door knob. The door soon opened, revieling Ponyboy.

"What?" He asks as he steps out of the bathroom.

"What were you doing?" I asked him.

"Taking a shower." He says coldly. "You have a problem with that?"

Takin' back by this, I shake my head. I walked into the bathroom and acted like I was just using the restroom until I shut the door and turned on the light. I looked around to see what he really was doing. Nothing seemed to be out of place from my memory on this place but I decided to look around, just in case. Looking in the cabinets I found my answer. Behind the cleaning products that apparently hadn't been used in years since there was dust all over them, lay a bloody rag. I took it out wide eyed and unrapped it, reveiling a bloody razor. I sunk to the floor as realization on what's been going on hit me. Ponyboy was cutting himself.

_STEVE'S POV_

As soon as Soda shut the door I glared at Ponyboy. The kid had a bad attitude and I was going to find out at least part of why he was running with the crack gang.

"What have you been up to?" I asked him as I sat on the couch, looking at him from his spot on the chair.

He simply raised a brow, not amused much. "Whatever I've felt like doing."

The kid was already aggervating me. At least when he was younger he watched how he talked to me. Now he doesn't appeal to care much about anything. "Still going to school?" I asked.

"When I feel like it." He replied.

"Why the hell arn't you going everyday? Don't you know you arn't going to get a scholar ship like that?" I yelled at him. If it was anyone in the whole east side, it was Ponyboy who could get out and now he's done thrown it all away.

"Don't plan on going to college anymore." He replied coldly.

"Why the hell not?" I yelled at him.

"Because it takes more than some fuckin' scholar ship to go to college and I clearly don't have enough money!" He yelled back at me.

"Darry's had you a savings account since you were thirteen! That will help some." I told him, gettin sick of his attitude.

Pony gave a bitter laugh. "Not anymore. Darry's done had to use that money."

I looked at him confused. "Money run that tight?"

"Since Darry started drinking, yeah." He answered. "But whatever."

"Answer me this question." I say, coming out of shock a few minutes later on what he said. "Why have you've been running with the Tigers?"

Pony didn't even seemed fazed by the question. "Since when do you care who I hang out with Steve Randle? Last time I checked, it was you who said I should find some friends of my own and hang out with them insted of y'all."

I glared at him. "I surely didn't say throw away your common sence and hang out with fuckin' crack heads!"

"What ever." He replied as he rolled his eyes.

"And another thing, what's your deal with Soda?" I yelled at him.

"He should know why." He replied as his expression turned dark.

"Well he doesn't!" I yelled as I stood up. "You blew him off like that and upset him worse than I ever saw before!"

Pony rolled his eyes again and that's when I lost it. I pulled him up and punched him in the face as hard as I could. I was sick of him and hitting him around was the only thing I could think of. Maybe that will show him some sence.

Insted of looking shocked or even hurt, he mearly looked at me with a blank stare that I couldn't read. It was then that I realized how much he was reminding me of Dallas. He didn't place his hands on his bruising cheek, he just sat there looking at me, as if waiting for his next blow.

That's when I realized what had been going on. The way he showed no emotion when I hit him, the way he didn't dare move from where he was thrown, and the way he didn't bother to move to cover his bruise because he knew there would be more to come. He reminded me of myself just then when my dad used to beat me. Insted of turning scared like Johnny, Pony turned bitter like me. Darry had been beating him. That was harder to say than believe. I could believe he was abusing him by the way they have been acting. Saying he had was a whole nother story. How was Soda going to react when he finds out? Should I tell him or not? What the hell am I suppose to do?

AN: THIS IS NOT NEAR THE END IF YOUR WONDERING!! SODA'S NOT GOING TO FIND OUT FOR A WHILE BUT HE WILL ADVENTUALLY!!! IT'S NOT AS LONG AS I WOULD HAVE LIKED BUT I'LL TRY TO MAKE THE NEXT ONE LONGER!!!!! PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!!


	4. The Two H's

AN: WARNING: CONTAINS CHILD ABUSE, ALCOHOL ABUSE, AND CUTTING! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

_PONYBOY'S POV_

I could tell by the look in his eyes that Steve knew what was going on. I knew though that he wouldn't say a word until he was certain on how to do it. That would be awhile knowing Steve. 

By the way Soda keeps staring at me though, I'm kinda curious if Steve told him anything yet. _If Soda knew though, wouldn't he be yelling at Darry? Nahh, he hates you remember? He probably doesn't care about that, he's just upset that Darry didn't tell him himself. What if he starts in on me too? I don't know if I'll be able to take it._

I was hanging out with some friends in the Tiger gang. I have no clue how Steve knew I was running with the Tigers and I couldn't care less. It's not like I was doing drugs. I wasn't into that shit. The most I did was drink a little but no where near as much as Darry. Nahh, I met some kids that belonged to that gang two years ago and they just seemed to understand me. 

"Yo Curtis!" My friend Bryan called. "Ready for some action?" 

We were walking to Bucks for a party tonight since it was Friday. "You know it man." I called as I walked into the illgal bar/hotel. Darry used to scream at Soda and me for even walking passed this place but since Soda had left, he doesn't give a shit what I did. I was sad and angry at first when he stopped caring about me but after a year or so I've grown accustomed to it. 

"Hey Ponyboy." A female voice called from behind me. I turned to see Elisabeth Klare walking up to me. Beth was about five foot five, dark brown hair that fell to her back, and blue eyes that seem to shine brighter at night. I met her last year and we've been off and on a lot since then. She was a slut and really wasn't good for me but then again, nothing seemed to be good for me. Without anyone but myself to tell me what is right or wrong, I've been making a lot of decisions that I guess you could say wern't the best choices. 

I pushed Beth into the corner and she met her lips with mine. This was a usual Friday night for me. Make out with Beth, unless we're broken up then make out with tons of other girls to make her jealous, have a few drinks, get some radom girl laid, if Beth and me are over, then sneak home in the early hours of the morning and after watching the sunrise, go inside and cut myself and start making my breakfist. Nothing out of the ordinary there.

_STEVE'S POV_

I was at Two-bit's around the time the sun was setting. I was planning on telling him what I had observed and what Soda had found. An hour or so ago Soda had come to me in near tears as he told me what he'd found. 

_"What's wrong?" I asked Soda as I placed a hand on his trimbling shoulder. _

_"Look." He showed me the blood soaked wrag. I slowly opened it up, revealing the bloody razor. I could feel my face pale. I knew I had to tell Soda about what had been happening since we've left but right then and there, I didn't have the nerve, looking at the state he was in now. _

_"Do you know this is Pony's for a fact?" I asked him. I was almost 100 sure it was the kid's blood but I wanted to give Soda some hope that maybe, just maybe he was wrong._

_"Darry was wearing a short sleeve shirt so I would have seen the cuts if it was him. All Pony wears is long sleeve shirt or if he doesn't he wears that jacket. Besides, I went in after he came out and the lights were off in there at the time. I was just lookin' around but never did I ever hope nor dream of findin' this Steve." Soda said as his voice started to crack. "What the hell happened?" He cried on my shoulder. _

"Two-bit! Ya there?" I banged on his front door. 

The rusty haired boy...er adult opened the door with a grin. "Hiya Stevie!" 

"I found out some shit about the kid and Darry." I told him as he came outside and shut the door, taking a seat on the first step. I sat beside him and lit a smoke.

"It ain't good, huh?" He asked as he took a swing of the beer in his hand. 

"Not unless you count child abuse and cutting yourself good." I told him sarcastically.

"Darry wouldn't." Two-bit trailed off, clearly upset.

"He pissed me off so I hit him. He did exactly what I use to do when my old man was on my case." I told him. "Then Soda was the one who found a bloody raiser wrapped in a bloody towl in the bathroom after the kid left the room."

Two-bit went on swearin' every curse word I've ever herd, which was a long list, and then some ones he must have made up. He ran a hand threw his long, greasey hair and smashed his near full beer bottle to the ground, shattering it to a million pieces. 

"What are we gonna do?" Two-bit asked after he calmed down. I've seen Two-bit mad a few times but nothing like this. He was past mad, he was pissed. 

"I don't know, I know we need to tell Soda but I don't have the heart to right now." I told him as I threw down my cigarette. "Wanna go to Bucks to get some beers?" 

Two-bit nodded and we made our way to the motel/bar. Dal, Two-bit, and I use to come here all the time when we were kids and well for Dally...alive. Soda could never come because of his parents and Darry. They forbid him to even walk near the place!

"We might see Ponyboy there." Two-bit spoke quietly as we began to approach the place.

"What?" I asked. "Darry would never-" I started but soon realized Darry probably didn't care. After what I learned today, I wouldn't be surprised if Darry kicked him out on the streets. We opened the door and walked right on in. Two-bit was right, Pony was in the corner making out with some tramp. Pony was the splitting image of Soda and could probably get any girl he wanted, so why does he go for the sluts? 

_PONYBOY POV_

"Let's dance." Beth said as she pulled away from the kiss. I lead her out to the dance floor and she wrapped her arms around my neck as she started to shake her hips, which I had my hands on. We danced for about five minutes till someone tapped me on my shoulder. I turned around and saw one of my best friends, Kim Wills. 

"Mind if I cut in?" She asked Beth but it was clear she could care less. I've been good friends with Kim since last year. She's probably the only one besides Mark who comes close to understanding me. Her parents are abusive both physically and emotionally, like Darry, but instead of turning scared like Johnny had, she turned bitter, yet she's still able to laugh and have fun. She used to be bad into drugs but she's been clean for two years now, as she told me. Only thing she does is cut herself now and though I use to, I don't see the harm in it now. 

As a slow song came on, Kim leaned into me, wrapping her pale white arms around my neck as mine wrapped around her back. I rested my chin on her black layered hair as she layed her head against my chest. Kim's the only one who know's the intire story of my life, unlike Mark who only knows half, and that's only because she's the only one I've been able to almost fully trust since everything happened.

We got a lot of dirty looks from both girls and guys. They were jealous of me being with her and her being with me but niether one of us could understand why. We didn't find ourselves that attractive though I thought she was real pretty and she's always sayin' I'm good lookin'. One thing I liked best about Kim besides her understanding yet tough side was that she wasn't a whore. She always wore a pair oftorn jeans and an old T-shirt. Like tonights she's wearingtorn jeans and a black shirt that says "Bitchy? I may be slight only because I don't know how to say Fuck You polilely..." 

"I herd your brother was back home." She stated as she looked up at me with pale blue eyes, no dout waiting for my reaction.

"You herd right." I told her as if I didn't care. She saw through that of course. 

Kim raised a brow and I sighed in defeat. I was just wasting my breath lyin' to her. 

"He's acting strange for someone who hates me. He doesn't understand why I don't wanna be with him in a room or why I'm a smartass to him." I told her. 

"Is it possible he didn't write the letter?" She questioned.

"That'd be getting my hopes up. Ain't a dout in my mind he wrote it." I told her. "Steve, his best friend, knows about Darry."

"How?" She asked shocked. "You told him?"

"Of course not." I told her. "We got into it and his old man use to be the same as Darry. Just the way he looked at me after he knocked me on the ground told me he knew. Soda knows somethin' too. I don't know what he knows or who told him because I'm sure Steve wouldn't just run off and tell him until he knew a calm and easy way to tell him without Soda getting 'hurt'. I can tell he's upset by the way he's looking at me and Darry." I told her.

"Man." She said as we swayed to the beat of the music. "Maybe Steve had told him because he had to tell someone and Soda's upset because he didn't think Darry would go that far?" 

"Or maybe he's upset because he didn't get to take a swing at me first. Either way I'm sure he's gonna start in on me soon." I told her. If it was any other person, I would have thought they were trying to make excuses for my brothers. With Kim I knew that she was just trying to see each point of view from all sides. She didn't take either side until she was certain about all the information and was through going through it. Then she would tell me her opinion and give me her advice. 

"Do you really believe he'd do that?" She asked with questioning eyes.

"I don't want to believe it but I do. I swear to you Kim, I don't know what I'll do if he starts in on me. I use to love him more than anyone else in the world, even more than my parents when they were alive! I-I don't think I'll be able to handle it if he starts knockin' me around." I told her and she snuggles closer to me.

"I love you too much as a friend to tell you everything is gonna be alright when niether of us know it will or won't. If he starts beatin' ya please promise me you'll come to me and not do anything stupid. Don't let those brothers win and kill ya or make you kill yourself over what they've been doin'. If things get too bad or if you just have to get out and talk or something, come find me. You know where to find me." She told me as she clung on to me. "Don't do anything Stupid Pony. I already lost too many friends in the past and I'll be damned if I'm gonna lose one like you."

I held her close too. "Right back at ya." Kim's my best friend and without her, I'd probably would have given up by now.

_STEVE'S POV_

Two-bit and I were sitting at the bar and were watching Pony and some girl dance very closely. The kid was talking to her and looked kind of upset as he explained something to her and she would nod and give a responce.

"Do you know her?" I asked Two-bit.

Two-bit grinned for the first time that night. "She's one of Pony's best friends. I watch Pony closely like I said and she seems to be keeping the kid going on with each day. She doesn't do drugs but I know she cuts herself and hanging out with the Tiger's too. I'd say she's good for him."

"What do you think they're talkin' about?" I asked him.

"Well there's just one way to find out now isn't there?" Two-bit said with a crazy grin. Slowly, we made our way over to the couple. We sat down at a table close by them but far enough to remain unseen and listened closely.

"-Don't let those brothers win and kill ya or make you kill yourself over what they've been doin'. If things get too bad or if you just have to get out and talk or something, come find me. You where to find me." She told me as she clung on to me. "Don't do anything Stupid Pony. I already lost too many friends in the past and I'll be damned if I'm gonna lose one like you. 

_What the hell is that suppose to mean? _I wondered._ I knew Darry was in on Pony but surely he knows Soda ain't gonna hurt him. Soda would never lay a finger on the kid._

Pony held her closer. "Right back at ya." He told her and then for the first time in two years, I saw Ponyboy smile. 

"You alright?" She asked him as she grinned up at him. 

"Yep, as OK as I'm gonna get." He told her as a fast song came on and they stopped swayin'.

"Then lets party!" She yelled as turned in his arms so her back was pressed against his chest, her hands wrapping Pony's arms around her as she danced to the song against him. Pretty soon they were laughin' and it was getting harder to keep from getting caught with them movin' so much. 

The tramp from earlier came back and glared at the two. "Ponyboy, I thought you were here with me, not this bitch."

The so called 'bitch' laughed and I could see Pony trying to hide his. "Sorry darlin' but looks like he found someone better lookin' to dance with." She said.

The slut raised her brow. "Well where is she 'cause I certainly don't see anyone better lookin' than me?"

The girl stopped dancing and Pony got between them. "Cool it y'all two. I'm dancing with Kim because I want to Beth. You can go off and find ya another guy to score with 'cause I'm hanging with Kim for the rest of the night."

The slut glared at him but stormed off to a group of guys from the Tiger's. Kim glared at Pony but soon grinned. 

"Why didn't ya let me take that bitch, you know I can." She asked him and he laughed.

"Yeah, I know you can but I perfer you be here tonight and not be kicked out again because of a fight." He told her.

"Well if I got kicked out then you could always get kicked out with me?" She said with a brow raised as she found her way back in Pony's arms.

Pony smirked. "What makes ya think I want to spend my time in the cold with a crazed girl like you?" 

She laughed. "Because Sanity is so overrated!" 

They laughed and Two-bit nearly blew our cover laughin'. I swatted him over the head and glared at him before turning my focus back to the young teens.

"What do you even see in that whore?" Kim asked Pony as they slow danced. 

"A good fuck I guess." Pony answered. "She gets my mind off of reality which makes me happy and being with me makes her happy so in the end, we'll both happy!" 

She laughed. "Well I'd be happy if you quite wasting your time on her." 

Pony raised a brow. "Who shall I waste my time on then?"

Kim laughed. "Anyone's better than that bitch."

"What about Tori Andrews?" Pony said looking at a girl who barely had anything covering her.

Kim playfully slapped Pony over the head. "Do you like any other girl besides sluts?" 

Pony laughed. "What makes you think I like any of them?" 

They laughed. "You know what?" Kim said. "I think we're too good lookin' for any guys or girls. We should start our own club."

Pony laughed. "And what should we call this club?"

"The best damn lookin' teens that are too good for the two H's." Kim laughed.

"What are the two H's?" Pony asked.

"Hoes and Hoods." Kim grinned.

Pony laughed. "Let's get outta here. It's gettin' too full." With that they left.

AN: PLEASE REVIEW! SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO POST THIS CHAPTER BUT I'VE BEEN A LITTLE BUSY!


	5. Who You Are When The Nighmare's Over

AN: WARNING: CONTAINS CHILD ABUSE, ALCOHOL ABUSE, AND CUTTING! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

* * *

_DARRY'S POV (I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE COOL IF U GET A IDEA ON WHAT HE'S THINKIN' AND GOIN' THROUGH)_

I was washing dishes in the kitchen while downing a beer. Soda was in the livingroom lookin' sad and depressed and Pony was only God knows where. You want the truth? The truth is I could care less but then a part of me wants to go into over protective big brother mode on him. I used to try and discipline him when he was younger but that got me know where so when Soda left, I threw in the towl and let the boy go crazy. It gave me time to do what most twenty year olds do, drink and boy do I love it. I used to complain about Two-bit drinking so much but hey, I can't really blame him now. I think the truth was, I was just jealous.

I know Soda isn't going to go for this new system of Pony and mine. Hell, I never thought he'd come back. I'm not sayin' I hoped he would have died in Vietnam because that's not true, I love Sodapop more than anything in the world. It's just that, him being back is kinda messin' up me and Pony's game. Now when I say game I don't mean like Candy Land or Monopoly. No, our game is sort of like a rumble except there's only two people.

The rules are simple. First one to get knocked out loses, which is usually Pony. I've only lost one time at this game and let me tell you, it was not pretty when I woke up. I had to bash the kid good when I awoke for that one. No one defeats me and gets away with it. Not now, not ever.

Next rule is that you can use anything to help you in the battle. Like for instints, I used a hammer one time to wack the pest around a little. Sure did leave some bruises but hey, at least it was him and not me.

Last rule is that if anyone finds out about our little game, I'd kill him. I'd already explained to him how I could use most of the items in the house to kill him slowly and painfully and then bury him under cement in a house I'm working on or something. I'm possitive he hasn't uttered a word.

I don't really play dirty, no I follow the rules to my game. You may be wondering, what about the state? Should they be checking in on us? Well no, they stopped after Sodapop got drafted. I guess they figured they shouldn't bother us since we've basically lost him for good. A few months after Soda was drafted, I found a new way of punishing Ponyboy. I'd tell him Soda left because of him, he was the reason him and Steve left. The kid wouldn't believe it at first but after months and months of yellin' it in his face, he finally bought it. It wasn't until the 'letter' did the kid really believe it.

Part of me wants to kill myself for all the hurt I've caused Ponyboy. The other part, the part I let take over, wants to make him suffer because as I see it, it was his fault Sodapop and Steve left. It's his fault Two-bit doesn't hang around. It's his fault Johnny and Dally are dead. It's his fault mom and dad are dead too. It's all his fault that I had to take care of him and Soda and give up college. It's his fuckin' fault Soda couldn't be a real teen and get in loads of trouble because we had to worry about the state! This is why I have to punish him! This is exactly why I have to knock him around. He must pay for all the hurt and pain he's caused me, along with everyone else. So many people are hurt or dead because of him!

* * *

Soda and Steve were out later that afternoon when Pony came home. I hadn't been able to play our little game since they've been back so I was really looking forward to this match.

"Hey Ponyboy." I say, a smile gracing my face.

Pony stared at me with a cold look. "What do you want?"

"Well Soda and Steve were gonna go hang out with some old friends the rest of the day so I thought we could play our game." I said as my grin widdened.

_Why the hell are you doing this? _The voice that once took over asked me. _He doesn't deserve this._

No, he deserves this and more for all the lies I've had to make up in the past few days.

"You're gonna pay for hurting my younger brother." I told him.

_He's your little brother too! _That annoying voice in my head said.

No, he will never be.

Pony looked around for a minute, noticing that Soda and Steve really wern't here. Looking at me, he showed no trace of fear in his eyes but I knew he was afraid. He's always been afraid of me and always will be, no matter if he shows it or not.

I punched him square in the face for my first attack. He slammed into the wall and I took this moment to grab him by the collar of his shirt and get another good punches in.

Pony slid down to the ground as I let him go, retreating into the kitchen to find a 'toy' to use on him. Smiling as I lifted the shinning blade of the stake knife, I walked back into the livingroom to find my opponite.

Frowning when I saw the living room empty and the front door opened, I decided to take a peak outside. Maybe he hadn't gone too far. Just as I looked outside, someone jumped on my back and started punching my head till I crumbled to the ground. The knife slipped out my hands and landed three feet away from me.

Pony kicked me four good times in the ribs before stopping. He picked up the knife and glared at me, heading to the kitchen to put it up I guessed. Pony never faught back like I did. He was content with using his fist, probably didn't have the guts to seriously hurt me.

I pulled myself up, much to my bodies begging pleads. Slowly, I made my way to the kitchen. I picked up a vase my mom had painted when we were younger. It was her favorite of all the ones she painted. Purple and strangly shaped, it was made of real glass.

Pony had his back to me and I took this opprotunity to slam it over his head. With a loud shattering sound, Ponyboy fell uncontinence on the kitchen floor, bleeding from the back of his head.

I smiled at my victory. I had yet again, won another match. Deciding Soda and Steve wouldn't be home till later tonight, I decided to leave him there.

* * *

AN: _This just came to me as I was typing. Didn't plan on putting some of the stuff down but it sounds good to me...actually kind of bad for Pony but... er you know what I mean. If you're a Darry fan reading this, which is kind of hard to believe that you'd want to read something like this, I actually like Darry but in this story he's gonna be a bastard from hell so here's another warning. He's not gonna get good in this story, infact, he's gonna get a lot worse. Maybe in the end his old self will come out again but I haven't decided yet._

* * *

_SODAPOP POV_

Something big had happened since I've left and I don't like the looks of it for one minute. It nearly killed me knowing my baby brother, the little guy who's always looked up to me and I've always protected, is cutting himself and pissed off at me for some reason. Darry's acting strange too. It's like he's not sure what to do. It's like he doesn't care about anything but alcohol anymore. It's down right discusting on what he's become!

Something tells me something bad happened when Steve and I left yesterday. When we had gotton home, the house was clean and Ponyboy was no where to be found. Darry said he was probably staying at a friends house tonight. I just had this strange feeling something bad had happened though.

"Your turn." Steve said to me as we played cards. I had nothing good in my hand so I folded. My heart wasn't really in this game tonight and I could tell Steve's wasn't either.

Just then, Pony stormed into the house and was already down the hall by the time the screen door slammed shut. Both Steve and I curiously looked down the hall, trying to get a peak on what he was doing. A few minutes later Pony had come back into the room in a different black outfit and a back pack thrown across his shoulder. Looking at him more closely now, I could clearly see bruises on his cheeks and a large cut on the back of his head.

"Where you going?" I asked, praying he'd talk to me. "And what happened?"

He turned and gave me a cold look as he put his leather jacket on over his midnight colored shirt. If he wasn't giving me that look and wasn't wearing black, I might have believed everything was normal. Too bad it wasn't.

"What's it to you?" He asked as he slipped on his shoes.

"I care about you Pony and I don't want nothing bad to happen to you." I told him. I just wish he would believe me.

Pony gave a cold laugh. "Too late." He said before walking out the door.

I placed my cards on the table and followed him outside. I wasn't gonna give up that easily. Ignoring Steve's warning look, I went outside to talk to him. Pony was to the gate when I stepped out on the porch.

"Pony, wait!" I called as I made my way down the steps.

"What the hell do you want?" He asked irritated. "I'm already late as it is."

"We need to talk." I told him as I stood not even five feet away from him.

"What's there to talk about?" He asked coldly.

"What happened between you and Darry?" I asked him and I noticed he flinched at Darry's name. _What the hell happened?_

"Like you don't know." Pony replied.

"If I knew would I fuckin' be asking you? Both you and Darry are different and I don't like it one bit. What the hell happened when I got drafted?" I asked him upset. I'm sick of both of their mysterious attitudes.

Pony just remained quiet for a bit, just looking at me as if he was trying to tell if I was lying or not. "You really want to know?"

"Would I be askin' you if I didn't want to know? Cut the crap Pony and tell me what the hell's been going on!" I don't know why I was so angry all of a sudden. I guess the loss of information was just about driving me crazy.

He just looked at me for a minute, his eyes clear of any emotion, much like Dally's use to be. Now that I look at him, he looked just like Dallas Winston. The blank look, the I hate everyone attitude, and the way he held himself. Why did this have to happen to him? Pony was such a good kid. He got good grades, didn't steel, and all though he forgot a lot of important things, he was all together a friendly kid. I barely even recognize him now. What the hell happened to make him like this? What could Darry have said or done to do this to my baby brother?

"A lot happens in two years." He spoke in a blank voice. "Doesn't really matter what went on through the time period. All that matters is who you are when it's over."

"What?" I asked him confused. "What are you talking about? It sure as hell matters to me what happened."

Pony just looked at me. "Even if I told you, though I'm sure you already know, it wouldn't matter none. There's nothing you could do about what went on."

I was really starting to get frusterated. "How do you know?! I might could do something! And no, I don't know what the all mightly hell's been going on but if you would just fuckin' tell me and stop with all the mind games then maybe I could fuckin' do somethin' about it!" I blew up at him.

Pony glared at me. "There's nothing you or anyone else can do! What's done is done and it doesn't matter anymore!"

"It sure as hell matters! What the hell did Darry ever fuckin' do to you to make you fuckin' messed up? Are you just acting this way to get attention because I can surely tell you this is the wrong way!" I yelled at him. I don't think I've ever been this pissed off.

"Why the hell would I do this for fuckin' attention?! I just want to be left alone but you're the one who wants me to open up and shit! I'm not some scared little boy anymore, I don't need your help!" He yelled at me.

That one struck me harder than anything. He didn't need my help? He surely need somebodies help!

* * *

_PONY'S POV_

I was still soar from Darry's beating or as he calls it, his little 'game' and I certainly was tired of Soda's 'let's open up and talk things through' attemps. It was too late to work things out. I'd never change back and niether would Darry. Truth is, I don't think I can change back. I've been like this for so long and put up with so much shit, I dout I'd be able to get back to my young and innocent self. I would never be able to trust Darry again.

I almost laughed when Soda said I was just acting like this for some attention. That's about the funnest excuse someone's said about the way I dressed. Of course I yelled back at him, not showing my amusement.

"Maybe I'd leave you the fuck alone if you and Darry would fuckin' tell me why the fuck y'all been fighting." Soda yelled back. He never yelled and never cursed unless he was pissed when we were younger, which wasn't often. He was always a happy kid.

"Maybe it's none of your business why we've been fighting!" I yelled back. I'm not just gonna take him yelling at me. That would be like me taking a beating from Darry willingly. As long as I'm breathing, I'm gonna fight back.

"What do you mean it's not none of my fuckin' business why you and Darry's been fighting?! Y'all are my fuckin' brothers!" Soda yelled back.

"Yeah we might be that but the fight wasn't about you and doesn't have anything to do with you so you should just mind your own fuckin' business and stay out of it!" I lied. Most of our fights were about him. Actually, every fight some how was traced back to him. I still didn't want him in this though. What if Soda does know about this but he just wants me to snitch on Darry? He could use that as an excuse to beat me.

"Well what ever the fight was about you sure haven't solved it!" He yelled. "Tell me something, how come you don't have a curfew?"

"Because I'm always late anyway, why even bother to make one for someone who's not gonna follow it?" I said. How the hell was I to know? The only thing Darry said to me about it was that I wasn't worth his time to wait up for any more.

"That's down right dumb! You could get jumped or hurt and Darry would never know!" Soda said but he seemed like he was calming down, more upset then angry.

_Good. Even though he hates me, I still can't stand to have him mad at me. I really shouldn't let this bother me since he'll soon be joining in on Darry's little game._

"Don't tell me that, tell Darry." I said. "I'm way passed late now. I gotta go." I was suppose to be meeting Mark and some friends at Jay's at 7:00 and it was now 7:45.

"Wait Pony!" Soda called as I closed the gate and started walking off.

"What?" I asked as I looked back at him. I knew that if I gave into his little game and pretended that everything was gonna be alright, I'd be dead by morning. I wouldn't be able to take losing Soda after confinding into him and would probably end up killing myself once he started beating me. _I wont get close to him. I promise._

"You said that all that matters is who you are after everything is over. Who are you?" He asked and that took me by surprise.

I walked off but turned back around once I was near the end of our street. He was still standing there, waiting for my answer. "I'll tell ya when it's over." I called.

"When will it be over?" He asked.

"When I breathe my last breath." I told him. I knew this living nightmare wouldn't be over till I was dead. I might burn in hell for all the shit I've done but at least I'll be away from Darry for awhile because I certainly knew he wouldn't be making it to heaven either.

AN: PLZ REVIEW!!


	6. I Don't Need A Fuckin' Babysitter!

AN: WARNING: CONTAINS CHILD ABUSE, ALCOHOL ABUSE, AND CUTTING! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

* * *

_PONY'S POV_

Kim and I were sitting on the bench at the park with some members of the Tiger gang. It was finally starting to look like spring again with the warmer weather and the flowers blooming every where. I was glad that it was warming up, I was surely sick of the cold wind blowing all the time.

"So what do y'all wanna do tonight?" Kevin Weldon asked as he looked around boredly. Weldon was a pretty big guy, in height and weight, and was the kind of guy you hoped had your back. Lucky for me I knew he had mine. He's the kind of guy you fear if you're walking down the street alone. His shiney bald head with tattoes covering all white skin made him looking even tougher than his height.

"I was thinking about going to Buck's." Trent Yielding surrgested. Yielding was skinnier than a tooth pick from all the drugs and not eating and had piercings left from right. His dark shaggy hair fell right in his face and his eyes were always red. He was kind of creepy at times but I've grown use to him being around.

"Beth's gonna be there most likely and I don't feel like putting up with her shit tonight." I said as I blew a smoke ring into the air.

"Yeah, why ruin a perfectly good evening by meeting up with that hoe?" Kim laughed.

"What about Jay's?" Tony Lewis asked. Lewis was 6'4 and very muscler, much like Darry. He's the second in comand of the Tigers and is a pretty tuff guy. He's the guy you want to be on your side when a rumble over ways. He was the first guy I met that was a Tiger and offered me a place to stay if I ever needed help. I remember that day real well.

_Darry had just beated me until I was knocked out and when I had woken up, I was on the side of the road next to the trash can. I guess this was his way of saying all I was was trash. I got up after several failed attemps and started walking down the road. I'd be damned if I was gonna go back in that hell hole again any time soon. _

_I got to the park and I plopped down on the cold grass. The sun was setting but it didn't give me the magical or hopeful feeling it used to. Insted, it made me feel so cold and empty on the inside and out. _

_"Who are you kid?" A tall guy with brown slicked back hair asked. _

_I looked up and cleared my eyes of any emotion. Maybe if I didn't show that I was afraid of him he'll go away. I was in no condition to fight and prayed that's not what he was looking for._

_"I asked you a question." He repeated frusterated._

_"What's it to ya?" I asked coldly._

_He glared down at me before he held out his hand. I didn't reach up to grab it though. He was probably planning on socking me in the face as soon as I was up._

_"What happened to you kid?" He asked, never taking his hand back._

_"None of your business." I say and pray I don't get stomped on._

_He glares at me for awhile but soon grins. "I like ya kid."_

_I gave him a look. "Ok..."_

_"You need a place to stay?" He asked._

_"Why should I trust you?" I asked him as I pulled out a cigarette and lit it up._

_"If not me, who else?" He asked and he had a very good point. I couldn't find myself to trust anyone any more lately. _

_Looking up at him I nodded slightly and took his offered hand. Getting up was harder than expected but luckly the Tiger Clan wasn't too far away._

"Ain't been there all week." Yielding said.

"Sure, why not?" Kim says and I nod with agreement.

"Ain't nothin' better to do." Weldon says and with that said, we get up and head to the car.

* * *

_STEVE'S POV_

Sodapop was really upset about what Pony had said to him yesterday and I nearly had to wrestle him to the ground to get him to cheer up. Soda said the way the kid talked about death, it was like he was welcoming it with open arms. I knew that one really upset Sodapop the most. Hell, that scared the shit out of me too. We've already lost four family members, I sure as hell wasn't willing to add another to the list.

I was making me a sandwich at the Curtis'. Darry was out, Two-bit took Soda out to try and cheer him up, and Lord only knows where Ponyboy was. I decided to stay here and maybe investigate some and see if there are any blood stains or what ever.

The front door slammed shut and a black blur ran to the bathroom. There was no dout in my mind it was Ponyboy. An idea struck me then. Let's see what he's up to. I got up and walked down the hallway as quietly as I could. The door to the bathroom was shut and no lights were on in there either.

I listened by the door and tried to hear some sort of sound. All I could hear was the buzzing that comes when it's silent and a small gasp every once in awhile. Tired of waiting for Pony to come out, I decided to enter. The door was unlocked and before I could even think of what was waiting for me on the inside, I slammed the wooden door open.

"What the hell?" Pony yelled as he jumped to his feet from his spot on the floor.

I hit the lights and got a good look at him. He had no shirt on, his face was pale and still sporting some bruises that he somehow got the other day, and he had a knife in his hand. I looked down at his arm and gasped in shocked. There had to be over fifhy cuts on both arms, both old and new and long deep cuts. Blood was on the floor and on Pony's hand and knife and he looked pretty annoyed from being intrupted.

I stepped forward and in one swift movement I snatched his knife out of his hands.

"What the hell do you think you're doing? Give that back!" Pony said after he got over the shock of me taking the weapon.

"If you're gonna use it stupidly, you surely don't need it." I told him as I grabbed his arm and pulled him over to the sink. I turned on the water and pulled the kid's arms under it to wash the cuts before I doctored it.

"What the hell?" He hissed out as I put alcohol on his cuts.

"If you wouldn't do this to yourself then I wouldn't have to do this." I told him with a glare which he returned.

"I didn't ask you to do it! Infact, I'd be more grateful if you didn't." He said coldly.

"Well get over it." I told him. "You're lucky it was me who walked in and not Soda. He found your little razor the other day and wasn't that thrilled about it either."

"So that's why he's been looking at me like that." Pony muttered to himself. "I was sure you had told him about Darry."

"Once I figure a way to tell him about that he'll surely know." I told him as I let go of his arm.

Pony glared at me. "Why tell him?"

"He has a right to know that his older brother is beating his kid brother." I told him coldly. "Did you get in a fight or did Darry do that to your face?"

He glared at me. "None of your business."

"It is now." I tell him as I corner him into the wall.

He didn't even looked scared one bit but something told me he was. "I piss off a lot of people. Sooner or later they find me and we get into it."

I couldn't tell if he was lying or not so I just let him go. Maybe I'd hunt Two-bit down and we could spy on him later. If he just so happens to slip to one of his friends what happened and we just so happen to hear it, what's the problem?

_PONYBOY'S POV_

Steve is learning way too much about my life and it's scaring me shitless. He knows I'm with the Tigers, he found out about Darry, and know he see's me cutting myself. If he thought I'd tell him the honest to God truth about these bruises, he's stupider than I thought. I can't figure out what he would do and that kind of scares me. It's like being in a haunted house and not knowing who's gonna come after you with what or when. It's all a mystery and I hate every single bit of it with a passion.

"Where are you going?" He asked me as I headed for the door.

"I'm going out." I told him.

"Where to?" He asked and I snapped back around. I hadn't had anyone ask me where I was going or when I would be back in so long it felt weird.

"No where." I say and he gives me a look. If I was my old self I would have rolled my eyes.

"And that would be?" He asked with a raised brow.

"What's it to you Randle?" I asked irritated.

"Well since Darry can't seem to do the job of keeping you in line it looks like I'm going to have to." He told me and I really did roll my eyes this time.

"I don't need a fuckin' babysitter, Steve. I'm sixteen for crying out loud!" I told him even more annoyed now.

"Appearently you do need a babysitter if you don't have enough common sence not to cut your own self." He told me like his old cocky self.

"What ever." I say as I head for the door.

Steve grabbed my fuckin' arm though and pulled me back to him. "You are going to listen to me and do what I say."

I gave him a look and tried not to laugh. "And why would I do that?"

"Because if you don't not only will Soda know you and Darry's little secret, I'll tell Darry you told me." He treatened and I knew my face became pale.

"_You ever tell anyone about this boy and I swear I'll fuckin' murder you and bury you at one of the construction sites! It's not like anyone will notice you're missing and it's not like anyone will care either!" _I remembered Darry yelling at me after almost every beating. I've only told two people about him and if Steve told him that he knew, I knew he would go through with killing me.

I looked away from Steve, hating how I'm going to have to go through with this. "Buck's."

"What?" Steve asked confused.

"I'm going to Buck's now let go." I tell him as I glared at him.

He smirked and let go of my arm and I beat it out of there as fast as I could. No way in hell was I gonna stick around and see the enjoyment he was having of being able to control me. Before I left though, I herd him yell "You better be there if I decide to show up or call if you go somewhere else!"

This was really going to be a problem and a waste of time. Why does Steve care so fuckin' much? Last time I checked he thought I was a pest that liked to tag a long way too much. I'm almost seventeen for crying out loud and he's going to treat me like a fuckin' kid! I'll have to figure out a way to out smart him. Maybe Kim will have an idea...

AN: THIS IS A VERY SHORT CHAPTER BUT I PROMISE IT'S GOING TO BE A LOT LONGER NEXT TIME!! PLEASE JUST BARE WITH ME AND PLZ REVIEW!! I HAD A LOT OF REVIEWS LAST TIME AND AM REALLY THANKFUL FOR ALL OF THEM!! I DIDN'T REALLY THINK THIS WAS GOING TO BE THAT GREAT OF A STORY BUT I KEEP GETTING A LOT OF POSTIVE REVIEWS SO I GUESS Y'ALL THINK IT'S ALRIGHT...PLZ REVIEW!! LUV YA!


	7. Why Didn't Y'all Keep Your Promises?

AN: WARNING: CONTAINS CHILD ABUSE, ALCOHOL ABUSE, AND CUTTING! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

_PONYBOY'S POV_

I was at Buck's hanging out with some friends, like I told Steve I would be. There has to be a way around his stupid threat. How the hell am I suppose to do anything fun if he fuckin' knows where I am at all times? What if it's a trick? What if he's siding with Darry and Soda and he's just doing this so he'll know where I am so they can be fully prepared to attack me? It would be just like him to side with them. I wouldn't exspect anything less of him to do that.

"Pony!" Kim yelled as she waved her hand in my face. I blinked and stared at her for the first time tonight. I guess my head's been in the clouds worrying about what Steve's really up to.

"Hey, sorry about that." I say as I sighed. Man, I need a drink.

"What's up man? You've been kinda out of it." Mark asked concerned, which isn't that common.

"Sorry, just kind have something on my mind." I say as I take a sip of my beer.

"Want to talk about it?" Kim asked as she looked worriedly at me.

I looked around to see who was all listening. Only Mark and Kim were around right now since most of the gang went off to either flirt, get laid, or get pissed faced drunk so I decided to share what happened earlier.

* * *

_STEVE'S POV_

I was heading to Two-bit's with Sodapop. Luckly Soda was in a much better mood then yesterday and he was actually smiling. It's just plain depressing to see his smile gone from his face and that's what it's been since we've gotton back. I thought coming home would be the best thing ever for the both of us and everything would be the same. Boy was I wrong. I never thought I'd see the day where Darry started drinking and beating Ponyboy. I never imagioned Pony failing every class or cutting himself. I never thought it even possible for Ponyboy to hate Sodapop but appearently it's happened. Somehow, someway, and for some unknown reason Ponyboy hated the one guy he used to worship.

"Hey guys, what's up?" Two-bit asked with that stupid grin of his.

"Nothin' much." Soda said with a sigh.

"Now that's not very convincing." Two-bit says as we sit down on his front steps.

"Just worried about Pony is all." Soda says as he tried to fake a smile.

"Why don't we head down to Bucks? I got a feeling Pony'll be there." I say as I look more at Two-bit then as Soda. I decided to keep my little threat to Pony from Soda. If he knew then he'd be wondering what I was holding over his head and I wasn't ready to tell him about Darry yet.

"Pony's been hanging around Bucks? Has Darry lost all sence in his thick head or what?" Soda asked a little angry.

"I don't know man." Two-bit says as he shakes his head. I knew it was killing him just as much as it was killing me to keep the truth from him. Soda just thinks Darry and Pony had an arguement and that's all that's going on besides Pony cutting himself and his strange new clothes. Soda doesn't know that Darry doesn't give a damn about Ponyboy or how he beats the kid senceless. "I've seen him down there quite a few times."

"Nahh guys, I think I'm just going to go to the Tastee Freeze. I really don't feel like having Pony look at me like I could drop dead for all he cares at the time being." Soda said sadly. Maybe I spoke to soon when I said he was in a better mood then he was yesterday.

"He doesn't hate you man." I tell him. "He could never hate you."

Soda gave me a look and I could clearly see the hurt in his eyes. "Have you even been listening to the things he's told me or how he's always giving me that cold stare? Stevie man, he hates me more than anything it seems."

"He's just pissed about something and taking it out on you." I try to reason. "He'll come around soon."

"I hope so man." Soda said with a lost expression in his eyes. "I'm gonna meet some of the old guys, y'all wanna come?"

"Nahh I'm gonna see some boys at Bucks." Two-bit said as he looked over at me, hoping I'll join.

"Yeah, I'm gonna show to." I say to Soda. "I'll see ya down there later though."

Sodapop nodded and flashed us a smile. "OK, see y'all later."

Once Soda was out of sight down the road Two-bit turned to me. "Find anything else out."

I told him how I found Pony cutting himself and my threat to him as we made our way to Buck's. "Do you think he'll listen to me?"

Two-bit shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know man, maybe. Depends on how bad he's willing to risk Darry knowing."

I lit up a cigarette as we neared Buck's. I didn't know if my deal with Pony was gonna work or not but hopefully I'll see him when I walk into Buck's. I wasn't that sure why I cared so much. Sure, he's Soda's kid brother and it was kind of like my job to protect him when Soda couldn't or whatever but it felt like it was something deeper than that. It was like I not only needed but _wanted_ to help him. Like I didn't care how much time I wasted or whatever I had to do as long as I try to protect him. I used to hate the little brat for tagging along with Soda and me so much but that feeling is slowly fading.

"Hey man." Someone called to Two-bit as we walked through the door.

I scanned the room for anyone wearing black, knowing they'd most likely be with Pony. I soon spotted them over at one of Buck's few tables. He was sitting with that Mark kid (if anyone know's his last name could u plz tell me. i haven't read that book That Was Then, This is Now in a while and am not sure on the last names.) and that girl Kim from the other day. They were laughing about something so it was pretty easy for Two-bit and me to sneak over and sit close by without them noticing us.

_KIM'S POV (YAY HER FIRST!!...SORRY...BACK TO THE STORY!)_

"Do you think Steve would really side with Darry and Soda? I mean, you said he used to get beat by his old man all the time. Do you think he'd let someone else get a beating like he use to if he could help it?" I asked Pony. I've been best friends with this guy for over a year now and I hate the situation he's in. It seems like all the good people I meet have the same problems as I once or come close to facing. Pony's a great guy once you get to know him and he doesn't deserve any of his brother's shit.

"I don't know. I mean, we could never stand each other when we were younger and I doubt anythings changed between that. He's always tried to find a way to hurt me so why would this be an exception?" Pony sighed as he sat back in his chair. I can tell by the dark circles under his eyes that he hasn't had a good nights sleep since his brother got back home and I can't really blame him. I know I'd be worrying myself crazy if it was me and not him.

"How come it's always us who have problems, never the socs?" Mark asked as he slammed his fist on the already beaten table.

"They have problems too." I say as I flicked my hair and looked down at my biten off nails that were painted black. In my best snobby, whinny voice I said, "Oh my gosh! Look at my nails, they are so not long enough! Look how ugly the color they are! I think I'm going to have a brake down!"

The boys laughed. Ponyboy grinned and looked at me and said in his deep voice, "Don't worry honey, you're Daddy makes enough money to send you to a damn good therapist."

We all fell down laughing and then Mark looked up and grinned. "Yeah and once you're Momma is done with her midlife crisis she got when she saw her first gray hair, she'll be able to take you in that new mustang your Daddy just bought."

"Ya see, we all have problems." I say as I clap my hands together and laugh.

"I just wish my problems could be that simple." Pony says as he leans back in his chair and takes a swing of his beer.

"Don't we all." Mark says as I got a feeling someone was watching us. I turned around and saw two guys that I didn't recognize looking at us. One looked in his twenties and had rusty color hair while the other looked eighteen or nineteen and had curly black hair.

"Y'all know who those two are? They seem to be spyin'." I say as I sent them a glare.

I herd Pony curse under his breath so I turned to look at him. "That's Steve and Two-bit."

Mark whistled low under his breath. "Those the guys? What do you think they want?"

"Why don't we go find out." I say as I stood up.

_TWO-BIT'S POV _

"Uh oh, I think we've been spotted." I say as I looked over to see them getting up and coming our way. "You think they want to makes friends?"

Steve hit me over the head. "Shut it dumbass."

"What are you guys doing here?" Pony asked as he glared at Steve.

Steve returned his glare. "Do I really need a reason to be here?"

"Ya do when you're spyin' on me." Pony countered.

"What makes you think we were spying? I just looked over there and saw you and pointed it out to Steve, since he mentioned you were suppose to be here." I said with a grin. "By the way, nice to see ya kid. Ain't talked to ya in forever."

"You must have been noticing Pone was here 'cause you been watching us for over ten minutes." Mark said as he glared as us. "What's your deal?"

"What's your deal man? This ain't got nothin' to do with you!" Steve yelled at the kid. Mark looked ready to jump him but Kim pushed him back.

"Why don't you tell us what's going on and we'll be the judge of that?" Kim asked smoothely.

"Don't push me girl." Steve growled and I couldn't help but wonder why he was so pissed. He used to be pretty good at keeping his cool but appearently not anymore.

"Shut it Steve. You got something to say to me, say it but leave these two outta it." Pony yelled at him. "I'm where I told you I'd be so what is your fuckin' problem?"

"I was just making sure of it kid 'cause I ain't that sure if I can trust everything you say." Steve yelled at him but I could tell he was calming down.

Pony's eyes looked like they were about to flame with rage. "Why the hell would I waste my breath lyin' about where I am? You wanna make up a reason for it, huh?"

Just when I thought Steve was about to calm down his face took an angry look once more. "Yeah, why not? How about so you can run off to God knows where and get in a shit load of trouble and then exspect everyone else to clean it up? How about so you can run off with your little girlfriend here and get her knocked up? I don't know, maybe you didn't take my little threat seriously! You better listen and listen well kid! If I even _think _you are some place other than the one you told me, I swear I'll go and run and tell Darry what I know! You understand?"

"OK one, I don't exspect anyone to clean up my mess 'cause I ain't helpless and I can damn well do it myself. Two, Kim ain't my girlfriend and if she was what we do is none of your business. Three, we could just as easily have sex here so why would we bother to go someplace else? And lastly, I fuckin' know about your threat but does it look like I doubt you'd run off and blab to Darry if I'm at the exact place I told you I would be? Gee man, I have to much damn shit to deal with already, I don't fuckin' need any from you too." Pony yelled at him. "Why don't you go find those oh-so-wonderful brothers of mine and have a few beers with them? I'm sure you'll have more fun over there then you're having over here."

Steve glared at him and I let out a low whistle. I hated to get in the middle of this and it was a whole lot safer if I stayed neutral.

"Let's go Two-bit." Steve said as he made his way to the door. I gave Pony a small smile and hurried to catch up with Steve.

"Hey man." I say as we walked out of Buck's and into the cool night air. "Man, and I thought y'all use to go at it before."

"Yeah well, I think I liked it better when he was fourteen and knew better than to talk to me like that. At least then he was afraid of me. He's about as emotionless as Dal used to be now." Steve muttered as he kicks a can into one of the black garbage cans.

"It's just his cover up." I say. "He ain't gonna let his guard down unless he feels like he can trust you, which by the way you are making it very hard to do. Man, if you're gonna get him to talk about what's been going on and see what his deal with Soda's about then you are gonna have to get him to trust in you."

"How the hell am I suppose to do that?" Steve asked and even though it was pitch black with the exception of a streetlight, I could see his death glare.

"Well for starters, do the opposite of what you did tonight." I say with a grin. "You sure didn't help anything tonight, that's for sure."

"Shut it Two-bit." Steve yelled at me but I only grinned. I loved getting him mad. "When didja get so smart anyway?"

"What are you talking about Stevie boy? I've always been smart." I say and I give a fake hurt look as he gives me one of those glances. "I know this because even though he looks completely different and has a whole new attitude, he's still the same old Ponyboy and even when he was younger he'd never say too much to you unless he felt like he could trust you."

We walked in silence for a few minutes before Steve spoke. "What do you think he's got against Soda? He used to love the guy to death and now it's like he hates him.

I shook my head. "I ain't got a clue but I know one thing. He could never hate Sodapop."

Steve gave me a look. "Have you seen the way he looks at Soda? It's like he wishes he would just drop dead or somethin'."

I looked at him. "Man I don't care how he looked at him, I know for a fact that it's impossible for Pony to hate Soda."

"Hey guys!" We turned to look around the corner and saw Soda running over to us.

"Speaking of the devile." Steve muttered under his breath.

"Hey man!" I yelled as I started waving like I was signaling a plane.

"Stop it!" Steve snapped as he jabbed me in the ribs playfully.

"Where y'all heading?" Soda asked as he finally catched up with us, grinning that wide grin of his that I've missed so much.

"Home I guess." I say as I looked at the time. "I got to get up early in the morning for work."

Steve and Soda laughed. "I still can't get over the fact that you have a job." Soda says.

"Yeah well I need some money and there are a lot of hot girls where I work. Get this, all of them are blonde!" I laugh.

Soda and Steve shake their heads. "I will never understand what's so much hotter about a brunet and a blonde." Steve said with a shake of his head.

"That's 'cause you ain't that bright, Stevie boy!" I laughed as I ran down the street and in my house as Steve chased after me.

* * *

_SODAPOP POV_

It was later that night and I couldn't sleep for nothin'. Climbing out of my bed I use to sleep in before mom and dad died, I left the room. Ever since I came home, I've been sleeping in my old room since Pony didn't want to be anywhere near me. I wish he'd tell me what was wrong and would stop pushing me away, I hate seeing him like this.

Sighing, I walked down the hall and opened his door as quietly as I could, knowing he wasn't a hard sleeper and the slightest noise set him off. Looking at the sleeping teen, it appeared as if everything was alright. He didn't look angry or bitter in his sleep but he didn't look relaxed. He slept restlessly, tossing and turning but didn't seem like he was having a nightmare.

Looking at him now, it's almost like everything was back to normal. He was asleep in only a white T-shirt and his boxers and it was a nice change to see him not in black. The only dark color on him was his dyed hair but you couldn't really see it in the night.

I remember the night before I had to leave. That was one of the saddest days of my life.

_"I still don't see why you have to go!" Pony sobbed in my chest as I held him tight. I had just received the drafting letter last week and unfortunately, the time had come by in one swift motion. _

_"I don't either Pony but I don't have a choice. If I don't go I could be in even more serious trouble." I tell him as I rocked him softly. _

_"How y'all doin'?" Darry asked as he walked into our room and sat next to us on the bed._

_"Not that great." I say as tears rolled down my cheeks. I hated leaving Darry and Pony and hated the fact that I might not even come back alive. Not only was I cursed with having to fight in a war I didn't believe in but Steve, my best friend since grade school, had to come fight right by my side. Two-bit hadn't been drafted yet but we were all worried it would happen soon._

_Darry reached over and had us in one huge bear hug and we all cried together._

_I looked down at Pony and gave a tiny smile. "Pony baby, can you promise me something?"_

_Pony looked up at me with tears shinning in his eyes. "Yeah."_

_  
"Promise me that you'll listen to Darry. Don't give him too much grief." I say as I whipped away some of his tears before looking up at Darry. "Darry, don't get on his case about every little thing. We all make mistakes and you can't just point out every little one of his. Promise me you guys that you won't fight."_

_"I promise." They both said in union. The remainer of the night was full of saddness and painful tears as the thought of dawn creeping closer along._

"Why didn't y'all keep your promises?" I whispered as I looked at him with sad eyes.

Pony started to stur in his sleep so I left and went back in my room, not bothering to shut his door because I knew it would wake him up and I sure didn't feel like being yelled at this early.

AN: I KNOW IT'S NOT THAT LONG AND I'M REALLY SORRY ABOUT NOT UPDATING LATELY. LUCKLY SCHOOLS OUT AND AFTER I GET BACK FROM MY VACATION THIS WEEKEND, I SHOULD BE UPDATING A LOT OF MY STORIES SOONER. PLZ READ AND REVIEW!!


	8. Memories

AN: WARNING: CONTAINS CHILD ABUSE, ALCOHOL ABUSE, AND CUTTING! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

_SODAPOP POV_

"Are you sure we should be doing this?" I asked Steve as he threw some of Pony's shit out of the way. We were searching his room for anything that might be a clue on what happened these last few years.

"Do you want to know or not?" Steve asked as he searched through the mob of black clothes.

"You think that's his blood?" I asked Steve as I held up a black shirt with blood stains all over it. I sure hope this wasn't his blood but I got the feeling it was.

"I don't know man." Steve said as he continued to dig under the bed. "He sure has a lot of shit."

"Some of that junk is probably from before mom and dad died." I say as Steve through me a baseball glove. "I remember this. Dad bought Ponyboy this for his first season of little league."

"Doesn't ring a bell to me." Steve said from under the bed.

"Well we were ten and he was seven." I say as I thought back eight years ago.

_"Soda! Soda! Soda!" A seven year old boy ran into my room and onto my bed. _

_"Pony! Pony! Pony!" I say with a grin in the same excited voice._

_"Guess what!" Pony laughed._

_"We don't have time for your little guessing games kid." Steve told him as he turned the page in the car magazine we were looking at._

_Ignoring him, I asked. "What is it?" _

_"I'm going to play baseball!" Pony told me with a wide grin._

_I laughed and ruffled his hair. "That's a tuff sport. What do you play?" _

_"I get to be pitcher!" Pony told me._

_"That's great kid." I tell him proudly. "Just think, my baby brother is going to be the pitcher of the...uh, what's your team called?"_

_Pony laughed. "The Lions."_

_"Ah, my kid brother is going be the pitcher of the mighty lions!" I say in the deepest voice I can muster._

_Ponyboy fell down laughing. "You're crazy Soda!"_

_I laughed. "It's genetic you know?" _

_Pony laughed. "Well maybe it'll skip me since you, Darry, and Dad already have it." _

_"What was that?" Daddy asked as he came in with a pitching glove. "My own son calls me crazy when I was about to give him a preasent."_

_Pony laughed and hugged his leg. "I'm sorry. So whatcha get me?"_

_Dad and I laughed. "Well I just so happen to have here a glove for my youngest son so he doesn't have to catch the ball with his small hands."_

_"Thanks Daddy!" Pony said as he hugged his waist. "You're the best!"_

"Sodapop!" Steve yelled at me and I snapped out of my little daze.

"Yeah?" I asked confused. How long had he been calling my name?

"I said I found something." Steve said as he came out from under the bed with a comic book. "What is this?"

"Well Stevie, it looks like a comic book." I say like a smartass.

"Oh really Soda? I'm just such an idiot I didn't know that." Steve said sarcastically as he rolled his eyes.

"Is it healthy to dog yourself like that?" I asked him and laughed when he threw the book at me.

"Just read it smarty." Steve says.

I opened it to see notes all over it. "Huh?"

"Is it Pony's?" Steve asked. "I sure don't know his handwriting."

"Nahh, it's Darry's." I say as I read some of the notes outloud. "Dear Lisa..."

Steve cut me off. "Lisa Willioms? That hot little babe he used to go out with who was middle class?"

"I'm assuming." I say as I got back to the note. "Dear Lisa, We are in math class and I'm watching you sleep. You sleep like an angel floating on a white puffy cloud that looks like a marshmellow.

I share a snickering look with Steve before reading on. "Your body moves up and down slightly, giving me closure that you are still alive. The drool that is flowing out of your mouth reminds me of that time we had to watch a vidio of that waterfall in a cave called Ruby Falls.

Steve and I laughed. "No wonder she dumped him. He's talking about her slobber." Steve laughed.

"You have to be the prettiest, sweetiest, and happiest person I've ever dated. No word could put into how I feel about you. Your beauty runs deep and it shows in every way, shape, and form. I love you with all my heart and will forever. Darrel Shaynn Curtis."

"Aw how sweet." I say as I through my head back laughing. "Who knew Darry was so corny."

"I did." Steve said with a laugh. "Let's see what else is under here. Damnit Soda, I wouldn't be surprised if I found a hobo under here."

"You will if you count yourself." I laugh as Steve threw his shoe at me.

"Oh your funny." Steve said as he continues to search. "Hey look at this!" He pulled out a toy model car that he and I put together a long time ago. The red paint was chipped but it looked to be in good condition other than that.

"I almost forgot about that." I say as I look at our tuff mustang.

_"I got something for you boys." Mom said as she came home from the store. _

_"What is it? Is it chocolate?" I asked excitedly as I started jumping up and down._

_She laughed and place the bags on the table. "No honey, you're hyper enough as it is."_

_I laughed. "No I'm not!"_

_"What ya get us?" Steve asked her._

_She pulled out a bunch of pieces of wood. "This is a car you put together yourself. I know how much y'all dig cars so I thought it'd be a nice project for you boys."_

_"Tuff!" Both Steve and I cried as we took the box and ran to my room. The whole two days we worked on that car without taking a break. When it was finally finished, Dad bought us some paint to color it up a bit. We charished that car for the longest time till we were able to work on real cars._

"Man oh man do I feel old looking at this thing." I said as I shook my head at the memory.

"Ain't that the truth." Steve said as he looked back at the bed. "I doubt Pony'll put anything under here."

"Yeah true." I say as an idea popped in my head. "He was always one to put things in the closet."

Steve got up and started searching the bottom of it while I searched the top.

"Hey look at this!" Steve said as he held up a box. "I wonder what's in it."

"Check it out." I say as I watched him open it up.

"Oh God." Steve said as he looked in it as a smirk came to his lips.

"What's in it?" I asked as I tried to peak.

"Condoms." Steve said with a laugh. "So I guess we know he's sexually active."

I tried not to but I had to grin. "Put it up and let's keep searching."

"Remember where we use to hide ours?" Steve asked as we continued to look through the small closet.

"Yeah, under the floor boards of the porch." I say with a grin. "We thought that my dad would kill us if we knew what we had done."

"Yeah and when he did figure it out he went off on us saying eleven year old boys shouldn't even be thinking about it let alone doing it." Steve said as he shook his head.

"Yeah and then he gave us a talk about all that could happen if we wern't careful." I said as I grinned.

"I think I liked to died when he started talking about STD's and stuff." Steve laughed.

"Man were we stupid." I say as I sighed.

"Yep." Steve says still in a daze. "Real stupid."

I looked at him and grinned. "You know, the only reason I did it with that girl was because Darry said it would make me a man."

Steve laughed. "I remember that. We wanted to be men so no one could tell us what to do."

"If I had known it wouldn't have changed a thing then I don't think I would have done it." I laughed.

"I don't know man. I think I would have tried it any way, just to see what it was like." Steve said and then we continued searching.

"Hey what's this?" I asked as I picked up a envolop that was way in the back.

"What is it man?" Steve asked as I leaned against the wall.

"It has the Vietnam address on it." I say as I looked at it. "Must be a letter I wrote to him." I opened it up and unfolded the piece of paper.

AN: WHAT WILL THE LETTER SAY?? YOU'LL KNOW IN THE NEXT CHAPTER! SORRY IT'S SHORT BUT I PROMISE THE NEXT ONE WILL BE A LOT LONGER!! THANKS FOR ALL THE REVIEWS!! PLZ R/R AND TELL ME WHAT YA THINK!


	9. The Truth is Out

WARNING: WILL CONTAIN SOME CHILD ABUSE AND ALCOHOL ABUSE!! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!

AN: THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR REVIEWS THEY REALLY KEEP ME GOING!!

_SODAPOP POV_

I stared at the letter in disbelief. What the hell was this? This sure wasn't any letter from me yet it had my named signed in the bottom and was remotely similar to my hand writing. _Is this why Pony's upset with me? _I wondered as I reread the letter for the forth time.

"What's it say man?" Steve asked me, clearly confused.

I handed him the letter as I sat on the bed. _Who the hell could have wrote that? Who would want to do somethin' like this? _I wondered as I baried my head in my hands.

I looked up as Steve punched the wall and swore as bad as ole Dally used too. He had this troubled look on his face and I knew instintly that he had an idea on who wrote this.

Getting up, I walked over to him. "You know, don't you?"

Steve looked at me and I knew he wasn't telling me somethin'. "I'm not one hundred persent sure but I got a good idea."

"Well tell me!" I told him angerly. Whoever the hell wrote that letter is going to find my fist connecting with their face. It's been a long time since I've been this angry and I had a really good feeling I was going to be even more pissed once he told me.

"OK first off Sodapop, you need to sit down and calm down a bit." Steve said as he looked at me unsure.

"Fine but you better tell me everything you know." I told him as I cracked my knuckles.

"Fine but you have to listen to everything I tell you and don't but in till I'm finished." Steve told me. "Got it?"

"OK I get it." I told him. "Just tell me so I can go beat the shit out of them."

_STEVE'S POV_

I told him everything and watched as his world crumbled. He loved both his brothers to death but I knew he wouldn't be forgiving Darry for this. He looked doubtful at first but after listening to everything I knew and looking at how they've been acting, it all clicked in to him.

"G'damnit that son of a bitch!" Soda yelled and he was angrier than ever as he went over to the wall and punched it with all his strength, cracking it. His eyes were flaming with anger and I didn't know if I was either sad or glad Darry wasn't home yet. When he comes home he's dead.

So this is why Ponyboy didn't want to be in the same room as Sodapop. Darry had him brainwashed. Darry, the one guy who swore he'd protect _both _of his brothers when Mrs. and Mr.Curtis died. The damn little son of a bitch was gonna pay, that's for sure. He's the whole fuckin' reason Ponyboy's messed up.

"He won't believe me." Soda said quietly as tears ran down his face. His anger was forgotton and reality hit him hard. Pony probably wouldn't believe that he wasn't the one who wrote that letter. It was going to take every bit of trust Pony had left to believe that it wasn't Sodapop.

_"-Don't let those brothers win and kill ya or make you kill yourself over what they've been doin'. If things get too bad or if you just have to get out and talk or something, come find me. You where to find me.Don't do anything Stupid Pony. I already lost too many friends in the past and I'll be damned if I'm gonna lose one like you." _

So this is what Kim ment by the statement. Darry had Pony thinking Soda was going to join his sick little mind. Pony, who once never doubted the middle brother, was sure that Soda would actually beat him. It was sick to even think such of thing 'cause everyone knows that guy would never hurt his kid brother.

"He will." I reasured him as I wrapped an arm around his shoulders. "You just have to give him time buddy."

"I hope you're right." He says as he turned to bary his face in my chest as he sobbed. "I can't lose him Stevie."

"I know." I told him thinking how many times he had held me this same way when my old man got too much for me to take.

AN: THIS HAS TO BE THE SHORTEST CHAPTER EVER!! I'M SO SORRY BUT I WAS IN A HURRY CUZ I HAVE TO GET READY FOR ORINTATION BUT I WANTED TO WRITE A QUICK CHAPTER TO REMIND Y'ALL I'M NOT GIVING UP ON THIS!! I'VE BEEN WORKING ON ANOTHER STORY, _THE LIFE WE LIVE_, AND NOW THAT IT'S ALMOST FINISHED, I CAN START WRITING THIS ONE AGAIN!! PLEASE REVIEW AND DON'T HATE ME FOR TAKING SO DAMN LONG...THOUGH I WOULDN'T BLAME YOU IF YOU DID.


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